A Stingray Bit My Nipple!

True Stories from Real Travelers

He's probably never even seen one

I met a pair of Iranian men—a businessman and his translator—while inside a store in China. "You look like an Iranian woman," the translator said. "Well, thank you," I replied, not exactly sure how to react. "I'll take that as a compliment." Looking me up and down, he said, "No, don't." —Joelle Broberg Littleton, Colo.

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"And tonight I'd like absolutely nothing at all"

After losing 20 pounds, I considered it safe to take another cruise, but the food and service on Celebrity's Infinity were so fantastic that I could feel my waistline expanding with every meal. On the fourth night, I decided to cut out all desserts. Our waiter, however, was incredulous when I said I wanted nothing for dessert. After serving the rest of the table, he brought me a plate with NOTHING written on it in chocolate. I licked up every bit. —Stephanie Pincson San Francisco, Calif.

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Or maybe she's a saint

My girlfriend Shannon and I were at Santa Maria della Salute in Venice. The church offered several different sizes of candles; Shannon picked the tallest, which cost $1. She whipped around to light it without noticing the already-lit candles behind her—and her hair, in a heavily hair-sprayed ponytail, turned into a bright-red ball of flames. I ran over and pounded her head until I put out the flames. Needless to say, we headed out the door pronto! I asked later if she had paid for the candle. "Well, yes," she said, "but I didn't have a dollar so I put in 50 cents." To which I replied, "And that's why God let only half of your head burn!" —Paula VanDalen Redington Beach, Fla.

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Cigarettes? What cigarettes?

Thirty-five years after serving in Vietnam, I returned to visit the places I used to patrol. One day, near the Cambodian border, I heard a noise on the trail leading to the road. All of a sudden, out popped a woman smuggling cigarettes across the border. It was the best laugh of the day. —Tom Layman Petersburg, Mich.

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You try doing it in high winds

My friend and I were in Buenos Aires, and our guidebook recommended Tierra Santa, a religious theme park that resembles Jerusalem. "We regret to inform you that Christ will not be resurrected due to high winds," said a voice over the loudspeaker as we entered. "We will resume the resurrection as soon as possible." Twenty minutes later the winds died down, and sure enough, an eight-foot-tall Jesus emerged from a mountain. "Ave Maria" played, and everyone stopped to watch. —Caroline Friesen Seattle, Wash.

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Who said anything about getting off?

Having haggled for more than an hour for a camel ride around the pyramids outside Cairo, I felt exceedingly proud that I had gotten my stubborn guide's $20 price reduced by half. Afterward, I patiently waited for the guide to cue the camel to lower me down. Tired of the delay, I asked him if he would let me down—to which he replied, "Ten dollars to ride on camel, ten dollars to get off!" —Suzanne Murrell Orlando, Fla.

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Contact: Kathy Hilliard, (800) 851-8923, ext. 7497, khilliard@amuniversal.com

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A Stingray Bit My Nipple! True Stories from Real Travelers

By: Erik Torkells and the Readers of Budget Travel magazine
ISBN: 978-0-7407-7121-7
Format: Hardback: 5 x 7; 224 pages
Price: $12.99 ($14.50 Canada)