George W. Bush: An Unauthorized Oral History

The Audacity of a Dope

"Tom was so excited about the book that he couldn't help himself... he went to the Amazon book review site. It's a site where readers review books they've read. So this one woman from Texas loved the book. Says she laughed out loud many times. She gave the book 5 stars. Tom was thrilled. Out of curiosity, he checked to see what she thought of other books she read. Tom saw that she read and critiqued "Catcher in the Rye." She gave that 4 stars. Tom's book got 5 stars. We got a real classic on our hands."

As the second term of our infamous 43rd President draws to a close, enough books have been written about GW's bloopers and blunders to render an alternate fuel source. How much more idiocy could there possibly be to uncover Turns out plenty—you just have to ask the right people.

From Emmy-nominated humorist and political writer Tom Ruprecht comes the first faux oral history of our great leader: George W. Bush: An Unauthorized Oral History (Andrews McMeel Publishing, $12.95, May 2007). With hilariou (and fictional) quotes from the likes of Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, and the entire Bush family, this look at the life of our commander-in-chief is told by the people who know him best. Or at least by the people who happened to be around to witness the aftermath of his absurdity. Bits from every stage of the man's life include:

The formative years

George was one of my students. I remember how eager he was to learn. He'd sit right in the front row. His eyes were always wide open as if he was trying to soak in every last bit of information. [Stares at photo of the class] Oh, wait; I'm sorry, I was thinking of Bradley Meeker, the boy who sat in front of George. The Bush kid? Yeah, he was a dumbass. —Pat Lionetti, third-grade teacher

Up and coming

In 1978 George was thirty-two years old and unemployed. The only thing he seemed to know how to do was BS with people and get drunk. Then one day he announced he was running for Congress. I was a little surprised at first, but then I realized it made sense. For a guy who just wanted to be a drunk, Congress actually seemed like a pretty good fit. —Rich Killen, friend

At the Helm

The first day of his presidency, he just strolled around the White House soaking it all in. He was asking a million questions like "When does the money come out with me on it?" "Am I allowed to eat a bald eagle?" "Who's the loser who has to work in that stupid round office?" —Karl Rove, Director of Propaganda

Representing our culture in foreign lands

Whenever I meet with President Bush, he thanks Mexico for being the United States' "proud neighbor to the north." And I'm supposed to stand there and act deferential to him?! —Vicente Fox, Former Mexican President

About Tom Ruprecht

Tom Ruprecht is a political writer for the Late Show with David Letterman, where he has been nominated for eight Emmys. He has contributed to a number of humor collections and writes for the New York Times, the New York Times Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, McSweeney's, and GQ. He lives in New York, NY.

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