Humble Pie: Musings on What Lies Beneath the Crust

The Seven Deadly Sins of Pie-Making According to Anne Dimock

1. Using Delicious apples to make apple pie.

"The Delicious apple is a tyrant, a bullying silver-back alpha apple hogging all the space in lunch bags, cafeterias and produce bins. It's like a media conglomerate that homogenizes public taste and dictates choice while restricting the same. I'm sure it was a Delicious apple that banished Adam and Eve, poisoned Snow White, and scared little William Tell half to death." (Page 60)

2. Using too much sugar.

"My mother insisted that each pie contain a full cup of sugar and I knew that was too much. It was up to my mother to define volume, and indeed, she created the critical mass that got the renaissance off to its start. My task has been to take out the extra sugar and put in the integrity. It's a path I still walk." (Page 19)

3. Too high of an "Ooze Factor."

"Thickening Factor — sometimes known as the 'ooze factor,' it is a formula that determines the amount of thickening used per cup of fruit. A factor of 2 means a slice will stand ramrod straight and salute. A factor of 1 means you might as well pour it in a glass and drink it. A number between 1.35 and 1.55 will give you just the right amount of ooze." (Page 142)

4. Using old cinnamon that is a shadow of its former self.

"My favorite is the 6% Extra Fancy Vietnamese Cassia Cinnamon. This is the dominatrix of all cinnamons. It is rich, intoxicating, sexy and exotic. This cinnamon wakes you up, slaps you around a little and makes you gasp. It doesn't have a style—it has an agenda." (Page 63)

5. Too much or too little water in the crust.

"The careless are unobservant and will not read the signs of an overly dry dough. They will be tormented with a crust that shatters at their touch. The timorous add more water just to be safe. Their dough will be slightly sticky, and the baked crust pallid and lacking in flavor. You must look hard and then close your eyes and aim for the path between these two. One teaspoon more, maybe two. You will be rewarded with greatness." (Page 104)

6. Thinking you can't make a pie.

"Roll back the apprehension, the doubt, and enter the child-like state of grace where all things are possible and anything lost can be found again. The pie you seek resides not only in memory and imagination—your next piece of pie begins right here." (Page 166)

7. Thinking you can't, shouldn't, or needn't make a pie because you have a Y chromosome.

"We will always carry around the cultural baggage of Women-Who-Know-How-to-Make-Pies and Men-Who-Know-How-to-Eat-Them. The images are clear–making pies is women's work and men's relish." (Page 96) "Old dogs can learn new tricks. And at age 82, my father baked his first pie." (Page 168)

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